Keifer! What is going on w/ the celebs today?

Jack Bauer, er, the voice of those dreaded Bank of America commercials, um, KEIFER Sutherland, apparently flew into a violent rage at a Costume Institute Gala after-party last night and head-butted Jack McCollough, one half of the talented Proenza Schouler design duo.
Apparently, our designer friend has a broken nose.

When I think of Keifer, I think of this. Calm down, dude.

Or, I think of his dad, “Good morning, oranges….”. That is so soothing. When I have a panic attack, I should just listen to a loop of Donald Sutherland speaking.

What to think? Back on the sauce?

FUN UPDATE: Apparently, Jack M. knocked over Brooke Shields at the party, causing Kiefer to get all protective and demand he apologize to Brooke. They faced off and said head butt occured. Here’s what’s so odd: Brooke’s spokesperson is saying that no such thing happened and Brooke “does not know what would cause Keifer to act in such a manner.” Oh, goodness. I’m sticking with the Christmas tree theory.

Big, hot smoking mess, Take 2!

Remember Christina Elizabeth Szele of Queens, who was arrested on a JetBlue flight for smoking, being intoxicated and generally causing a ruckus? Well, she’s ba-ack.

Seems Szele put the beat down on her sister-in-law this past Sunday and was arrested again, causing the judge in the first case to revoke her bond. She now faces up to 20 months in federal prison for violating her probation. She agreed to 5 years probation, drug and alcohol classes and an anger management program, the latter of which clearly has not worked out too well for her.

Hm. On the one hand, she clearly has a problem. But 20 months in the Fed? Come on. On the other hand, how many times are killers and sex offenders arrested, only to find out they haven’t even been to probation? I feel like the Judge is not necessarily harsh; it’s just that Szele’s infractions are far less heinous than those committed by those who violate probation.

That said, the law is the law.

Pamela Barnes Ewing!

I’ll bet it was Digger or Cliff that made her allegedly do this. Now, who knows what happened, but if criminal charges were not brought, it always stinks to me. If you’re just going to sue, then you look like you’re out for the payday only.

All things being equal, I just think it’s unfair when people use the system ONLY to sue. If grievance things have happened, then you should attempt to press charges, then sue. Perhaps the DA didn’t find enough evidence. I am not here to judge.

That said, the story made me chuckle on one hand (all of those terrific catfights between poor Pam and Suellen!) and sad on the other. If true, it sounds like Victoria has some anger issues and need not be near a gun.

And, she all but killed poor Andy Gibb by dumping him. He was to be mine! Sorry – I shouldn’t joke.

UPDATE: Pam, um, VICTORIA says “yes, I had a gun!” but only out of self-defense. Apparently, the maid in question (who stands at a hulking 6 feet tall) was manhandling the dog, freaking out, causing a huge ruckus and Vicky went to get her gun. It seems the maid DID call to press charges, but the Los Angeles DA dismissed the case due to “insufficient evidence”. Victoria is now countersuing her maid.

I don’t think “Boo” the sex offender was hosting a chili cook-off OR a Bar Mitzvah. Damn.

Have we become so unwilling to track sex offenders that we now issue them “rave” permits? We all know what raves mean – bring your pacifier, your Cookie Monster backpack and your Ectasy. While the city of Phoenix thinks “Boo” is nothing more than an event planner of sorts, he is a sex offender hosting raves where drinking, drugs, sex and young people are!

What the heck?

Puff Baby. I love this story.

This awesome baby was playing with a phone and accidentally dialed 9-1-1.

The RCMP (that’s Canadian Police, y’all) arrived and what did they find? A very surprised 29 year old dad who swore he had not called. What else did they find? A 500 plant marijuana stash.

Benjamin Button had better start planning his Father’s Day gift now. I wonder if the dude was smoking a bowl when the cops arrived. Did they take the child into protective custody? Where’s the mom? I’m just saying.

Hmmm…Joe Francis and Larry Flynt teaming up for shenanigans!

My favorite guy, Joe Francis and Larry Flynt of “Hustler” fame have sent out a press release seeking a $5 billion Federal bailout for the porn industry. Funny, Joe Francis never called “GGW” “porn” before, but that’s just semantics.

Anyway, they feel that the adult entertainment industry, like the auto industry is vital to our economy and would like the Fed to bail ’em out.

Just sayin’. Thoughts? Media manipulation? Publicity stunt? Crazy-ass-ness?

Celebrity Crime Roundup – Part Four. Loose Fingered Louie again?

Times are hard, people!

Winona Ryder has had a “comeback” of sorts – not of the cinematic type, but of the drama in real life type. A few weeks ago, a health issue forced her to seek immediate medical attention after a flight. She recovered quickly (from the rumored Xanax overdose) in order to attend the Marie Claire Prix de la Mode Awards in Madrid, Spain.

There, she wore a beautiful diamond bracelet and ring, lent to her by Bvlgari. The jewels are said to be worth $125K. (PS – why don’t celebs just buy their swag? That really bugs me, although I understand the red carpet thing. The trickle down effect? I don’t see it. It’s not as if I’d go out and buy Bvlgari jewels because I saw some celeb wear them. It’s a matter of cash, baby!)

Anyhoo, Miss Thing claims she lost the bracelet. Which does happen. Stuff falls off and if you don’t have security, it gets lost. But here’s the rub: Wino claims she brought the jewels to the concierge of her hotel, who put them in the safe. The problem is, after reviewing all of the surveillance video (Winona’s Waterloo!), it seems Ms. Ryder never dropped anything off at said desk. I mean really, what’s she going to do? Sell it on eBay? Police are investigating!

Rut row. I’d like to hope for the best here and think the hotel messed up. But something tells me Miss Ryder still has her demons. Don’t we all? I am so not judging, I swear. What do you think?

Jerry Garcia would NOT be proud. (subtitle: What A Pisser!)

In the annals of badly behaved politicians, the Jersey chapter, we have this lovely story. Seems Jersey City Councilman Steven Lipsky was at the 9:30 Club in DC (I knew that place well!) at a Ratdog show (that’s a Dead tribute band), not Darkstar Orchestra or Bobby Weir’s band.

Dude had the audacity to just let if fly and literally urinate from the balcony onto the crowd below. A politician pissing on the people, if you will. What I love is that he or his rep then denied it, saying he had accidentally spilled a drink on the crowd.

Now, comes the inevitable
“I’m sorry, I’m an alcoholic, I thought I could have a few drinks, I wasn’t working my steps”. We’ll see him in rehab in 3…2…

This is ALMOST as good as the other Jersey pol story I found. It seems Mayor Jerramiah Healy of Jersey City has been involved in a big ole scuffle in a Bradley Beach bar and was once found drunk, passed out and nude on his front porch. I did not click on any of the picture links. Wow, Jersey City!

PS – Please tell me he didn’t do it during “Box of Rain”. That’s my favorite song.


Girl, you are tragic, but you got to go to the pool party! I was a cheerleader; it’s kind of fun and hard work. It’s also very dangerous. But when you’re 33, time to hang up the pom poms. This is not as bad as the Texas Cheerleader (note the caps) scandal/murder plot, but not as fun as the awful Lifetime TV movie, “Death of a Cheerleader”, starring Kellie Martin and Tori Spelling, where a mousy and jealous Kellie stabs Tori to death for being popular and fabulous. That stuff is rainy afternoon, recovering from a birth fantastic!

Anyhoo, Wendy Brown needs some more hobbies. I am sure her daughter will be switching identities in 3…2…

PS – what in Sam Hill face cream does she use to pass as her teen daughter? I want it!

Mixing media – I need to have a blog at my company, BUT…

Most of you know I am an event planner and we are adding a blog at our corporate website, ergo, no mixing of my work as an advocate/blogger and my “real” job. With that said, Marnie sent me the gosh darn funniest link to a blog called Cakewrecks yesterday. I am privileged to work with the country’s best cake designers on a daily basis and remain in awe of their ability to create gorgeous and tasty masterpieces (and I’m not talking about that guy on the Food Network – although his staff is fun to watch). I’m talking about the MASTERS, people; those who spin sugar into fantasy and leave us breathless and a little poorer.

Much like party planners, everyone thinks they can be a cake designer. Not so, on either count. Planning your own tacky wedding doesn’t qualify you for either and yet – oh, the mountains of resumes! “Hi! I am an investment banker, but since planning my wedding, I know my TRUE calling is that of event planning and I wondered if you had any…..” No. No. No.

That’s why I give big love to this blog about really bad and stupid cakes. You’ll remember my post way back when over a year ago about the awful cake picture someone sent me? I think I should send it in – they do indeed have a section for the truly tasteless.

Enjoy your Friday afternoon and laugh it up. You’ll never think of Cookie Puss the same way again. No, you’ll revere him.